Sermons

INTRODUCTION: Amanda and I recently went to see the documentary movie, The March of the Penguins. Every March since the beginning of time, the quest begins among the emperor penguin to find the perfect mate and to start a family. The movie produces the one-year in the life of a penguin flock as its members trek across the Antarctic to find their mate and to produce an offspring. It’s beautiful not only for the gorgeous cinematography, but also for portraying the lengths to which they go in care and support of each other. It was a gorgeous model of the sacrifices through which this species goes not only to reproduce but also to have a relationship.

Though the mating rituals and choosing of partners is unique to every species, it is the one trait true of us all. Embedded in our planetary pattern as species is the inner drive to connect with another person. We have an innate sense of confidence that the Universe is supportive of that effort.

Many years ago, I was given a copy of the book by Scott Peck, a psychiatrist, entitled, The Road Less Traveled. He says the love that most of us talk about and listen to a jillion songs about – romantic love – is simply the trick of the species to get us to reproduce and carry on the task of reproduction – like the emperor penguins. He says what love really is can be compressed into one very simple sentence:

Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.

Through the years, as I’ve read and reread his book, and even taught classes on it, one central key keeps coming through: Love is more than a feeling, though it may have feeling; love is work, whether it’s the work of loving ourselves, loving others, or loving God. Again, Dr. Peck:

Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.

Now what if I were to ask you this question, what would be your answer? Which is it easiest to do:

But let me put the question another way: What if the key to loving oneself and to loving God is in loving our neighbor?

I have here in my hand a mirror. If I look into the mirror, I see a reflection of myself. We all have mirrors in our residences, our cars, and women have them in their purses. We all like to look at ourselves…to check out how we’re doing…how we’re looking.

Now take that just a step further, and let’s give it a name. Let’s call it “mirroring.” I look in the mirror at my self – that’s mirroring.

But guess what: There is a planetary principle in place on Earth, which also involves mirroring. But it’s not only seeing our reflection when we look in the mirror. It’s also occurring when we interact with others. There’s a reflection back to us in their response. We are keyed in to the slightest hint of affirmation or criticism about our hair, our clothes, our makeup, our weight.

For example, remember how either as a teen yourself, or in observing your children, teens love to talk on the phone for hours. They say little of consequence, but they can become very upset if they have to stop. Why that’s important and should be allowed to happen is that it is the process of “mirroring.” They need the affirmation that comes when one of their peers – not their parent – agrees with them on whatever it is they are talking about. They need the mirroring of a peer that occurs. When their peers acknowledge as appropriate the changes going on in their body, it makes them feel accepted and okay.

Another example of mirroring: Why is it that when I say something nice to you, both of us feel good? It’s because of the planetary principle in place: mirroring. Things we say are reflected back on us to make us feel good.

Ditto for the opposite effect. If we run somebody down – it doesn’t matter if they deserve it or not…it doesn’t matter if it’s true as true can be…the reality is that we will still experience the mirroring effect – namely, we will feel as if somebody just ran us down.

It’s a universal principle. When we interact with other people, we experience in a mirroring effect the negative and positive words that we say. Let me prove it to you.

Turn to someone next to you, and say, “I’m glad you’re here this morning.” And then turn to the one on the opposite side and say the same thing. “I’m glad you’re here this morning.”

Guess what? I bet you smiled, and you felt good when you said it, didn’t you? And you know the reason you did? Because it seemed like it was being said to you…that someone was glad you were here this morning. Your words were mirrored and bounced back to you, so that instead of saying it to the person next to you, your psyche felt the same effects of being affirmed for being present.

So in response to our original question, is it easier to love ourselves, love our neighbors, or to love God, we’ve addressed two dimensions. Speaking well of others does two things: It makes them feel good and it has a mirroring effect to make us feel good as well.

But there’s more to it. As I’ve mentioned many times before, Jesus said that the most important thing in all the world was to love: Numero uno! And the first and most important placement for that love is to God.

Now I’m well aware that among Unitarians and people attracted to Unitarian services, there are a lot of people who find god-language difficult. I still remember one of my sermons at Christmas time at a Unitarian Universalist church, in my printed sermon I wrote “the Spirit of the Sacred,” and I capitalized spirit and sacred. Later, I was asked by the president to go and visit with one of our atheist engineers who was sure upon reading that document that I was a “closet atheist.”

One of the reasons for that kind of concern and thinking seems very basic: Whether atheist or theist, so many of us still think of God in mythological terms. By that, I mean we think of God as being in a certain place:

n with a body like us…head, brain, arms and legs, and maybe even wings though he may not need them

n gender…mostly male, but kind of, sort of, pretty near, maybe all most female

n Plus, God has awesome powers: knows everything in the past, present and future; can zap or bless in cosmic proportions; and most important, he loves us both as a species and individually.

It comes out in the way we talk. As an example: Recently, I went in to have my annual eye exam. Afterwards, my eye physician asked if he could talk to me on a personal matter. Naturally, I agreed. He’s Jewish. He said he wanted to know how God could not only let the Holocaust occur, but all the other things before and after, especially including Katrina.

He was clearly speaking of God as I described earlier: God is an awesome being, residing somewhere specific with a human like body…and with feelings like we humans. And so when we try to think of loving God it means to try and focus on wherever it is that God is…to imagine that he is sitting on a throne with a long, gray beard…and ready to zap or bless dependent upon matters that we don’t have a clue to.

But if that be so, what kind of monster would allow all the bad that has happened? No one in this room would have allowed the Holocaust or Katrina or Rita. If that is so, then why would we ever attribute those attributes to God? But how do we appropriate the imperative to love God? What does it mean?

(At another time, we can talk about the meaning of the word, God), but in the formulary of Jesus he said the single most important task in all of life…which summarized all the commandments…was first to love God with all of our mind, all of our heart and all of our strength, and our neighbor as our selves. Now remember two things: Jesus was a Jew and he was quoting from Jewish scripture. It’s his summation of Jewish faith, and it says something quite revealing:

How can we love God with all that we have and then have any left over to love our neighbor and ourselves? Let me put it another way: How could I give all my money away but then still be asked to give money to my neighbor in the same way that I provide for myself? I couldn’t for the simple fact that I had already given it away. No way after loving God with all I have, then to love my neighbor as myself, unless: We love God by loving our neighbor like we love ourselves. And the wonder and beauty of that is as we just tested: When we love others, it makes us feel good as well. (“I’m glad you’re here!”)

So love has this wonderful dimension of reciprocity and return to it: When we love others, we not only reflect back love to ourselves, it’s also the way we love God. Now let’s apply that to dogs, medical students and people in nursing homes and see if it works.

I’m pretty sure that everyone in here has some strong opinions about nursing homes. One thing for sure, we don’t want to go to one. And why is that? Several reasons, but some of the critical ones are the absence of touching, connection and love.

Dr. Joy Ellen Ryan, a member of our congregation, who’s on a cruise now I think, has a certified, therapy trained, dog that visits people in nursing homes. She can take it into the rooms of people in Hope Hospice and it will do wonders. People will pet it, hug it, and in general enjoy her dog.

But guess what: For any dog or pet to be healthy, they too need to be petted everyday. So it’s a win-win situation. People in nursing homes miss their animals. They miss being touched. They love to pet Joy Ellen’s dog. Joy Ellen’s dog loves it too.

Now what if I lived back in Oklahoma, and I had a parent in a nursing home here. And I talked to her or him over the phone, and they said how lonely they were. Since I’m in Oklahoma, I can’t do much about that, but I do pray, and I pray, “Oh, God, send someone to help mother and dad keep from being so lonesome.” And guess who shows up: Joy Ellen’s dog! No throne…no long gray beard…none of the trappings of power…but a sweet, puppy dog. That’s how faith works…that’s how God is present.

But it’s not only dogs. Years ago, before government either destroyed the health care industry, or failed to act to save it, the Menninger Clinic in Kansas City was a premier medical facility. Now they’ve packed up basically and moved to Houston. But at one time, they conducted a fascinating series of experiences. They had their young medical students and nursing students go visit nursing-home patients. And here is what they were supposed to do:

Sit with the patients, take them by the hand, stroke their hands, speak to them softly, and sometimes before leaving the patient’s room, to put an arm around them, maybe even kiss them on the cheek, and express concern for them.

1. The condition of a lot of the patients improved and they were able to return to their homes. There was no medicine, no surgery, just tender love and care. The second piece of datum was this:

2. The young physicians and nurses who were participating by touching with love and concern found their own spirits were tremendously lifted. With their elevated sense of well-being, they were able to overcome their own depressions and fears and anxieties.

Where was God? She was a medical student…a nursing student…who touched an aging woman or man…who listened…who put their arms around them.

That’s one way of saying that our hands are the hands of God…our arms are the arms of God…our face, our voice, our reaching out…is how God acts. We are all connected.

British philosopher and writer, C.S. Lewis says there are really only two kinds of love:

One is need-love. It’s a love born out of some kind of need within us. It may arise out of a sense of emptiness. We see something in another person that we think will fulfill our need…our void. We love out of our need. All of us at times are motivated by need-love.

But one of the problems with need-love is that it is not lasting. Because it sees the other person as meeting a need and when that need is met, then they can be disposed of…to be used and then cast away…it’s a kind of Kleenex love.

But according to Lewis, there’s another kind of love: gift-love. There is something in the lover, which she or he seeks to give to the loved one. And in so doing, gift-love not only stays with the loved person, it rebounds to make not only them, but us feel loved as well. It’s a law of the Universe: Give to others and you will feel better, they will feel better, and we will have loved God in the process. We can never give too much gift love. Amen and Blessed be.

[1] Presented on September 25, 2005 at All Faiths Unitarian Congregation, meeting in the Foulds Theater of the Alliance for the Arts, 10091 McGregor Boulevard, Ft. Myers, FL, by the Rev. Dr. Wayne Robinson, minister.